i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
