So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
