I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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