Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
