Already got asked if we're dating
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
