I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
