Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
