My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
