Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize