his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
