Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
