haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
