It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
