She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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