I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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