Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
