My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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