I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
