I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
