i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
