i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
