so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
