Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
