I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
