In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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