i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
