Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she told me i tasted like america
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
