I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
