yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
