if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
