u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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