As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
