I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
