Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
