I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
