and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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