He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
