I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
