My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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