if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
