It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
