Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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