i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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