stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
