I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
