Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need water and some morals
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
