I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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