Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
