Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
