I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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