I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
