Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
