you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
