sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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