bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize