Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
