I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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