So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
