Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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