the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize