No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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