Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
