I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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