But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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