my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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