when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
