Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
