you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
