I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
