Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
