Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
