anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
