I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize