Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
