Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
